Suggestions for Friends and Relatives

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HAND of the Peninsula
P.O. Box 3693
Redwood City, CA 94064
(650) 367-6993
info@HANDsupport.org
Friends and relatives can provide vital support to parents who have lost a baby before, during or after birth. HAND of the Peninsula offers the following suggestions to the friends and relatives of parents who have experienced a neonatal loss:

  • Express your own sorrow and be willing to listen.

  • Remember that grieving over the loss of a loved one, including an infant, involves a normal healing process that can last from one to two years or even longer.

  • Sadness and crying when talking about the baby are part of the healing process. Friends and family need not feel they have "made the parents feel sad" when they talk with the parents about their loss.

  • Listen to the parents and allow them to share their experience and their pain with you.

  • Cry if you need to. Shared tears are a precious gift.

  • A simple "How are you feeling today?" tells the parents that you care.

  • Announcing the death of a baby can be difficult and awkward. Many parents are not immediately ready to talk with people. Friends and relatives can offer to make these difficult calls for them. HAND has samples of tasteful birth/death announcements that can be mailed.

  • Offer to make dinner or help with day-to-day routines.

  • Use the baby's name in conversation. It tells the parents that you recognize their baby as a real person.

  • A call or a card can mean a lot, especially on anniversaries of the baby's birth and death.

  • Stay in touch often and never forget.


Last updated: July 24, 2004
Joseph Twicken / webmaster@HANDsupport.org

Copyright ©2004 HAND of the Peninsula